I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
