so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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