Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
