yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
