Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
