and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
