my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
