just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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