Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
