If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize