Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm really busy with my period
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