This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize