Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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