Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
