That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
