ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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