Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
