SEEEEXXX PLEASE
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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