Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
