If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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