in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
