I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
