Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
