i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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