i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
