Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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