I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
