Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
only you would photoshop your dick
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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