We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
