You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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