i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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