if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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