I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
