Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
