That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
