anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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