oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
