my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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