She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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