There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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