My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
