Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
