Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He kissed a someone with a penis
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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