i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
