Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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