I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize