You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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