This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
