do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
