2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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