i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
