I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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