im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
