yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
