and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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