My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
