Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize