fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We need to rekindle our bromance
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
