I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
