That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
