Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
