it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He passed out mid-signature
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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