i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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