Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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