Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
