well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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