I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
