What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
