But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
