How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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