my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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