Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All the doctor said was why
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
